


One Bored Horny Demon

by OneSlimyBoi



Series: Not So Straight From Hell [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders is a Little Shit, Janus.exe has stopped working, M/M, Remus is fucking horny, Remus is nosy af, Sex Mentions, Sexual innuendos, mentions of kinks, no smut tho, suggestive content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:20:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27494875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneSlimyBoi/pseuds/OneSlimyBoi
Summary: Janus and Remus are the only two home, and while Janus is trying to study, Remus decides that he's bored.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: Not So Straight From Hell [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988224
Comments: 14
Kudos: 64





	One Bored Horny Demon

Well, shit.  
  
Okay, to be fair, this was partly on Janus for letting himself get stuck alone with Remus in the first place. The rest of it was on Remus, though. He was just trying to go about his day, he had to study, as much as he hated it, it had to be done, but that was difficult when there was a demon creeping around.  
  
And Remus was _literally_ creeping. It had started off with distracting loud sounds from around the apartment, crashes and bangs and yells, but now, Remus was just creepily hovering in his doorway. Janus could feel him staring, those freaky red eyes directly on him, and it was _fucking creepy_ .  
  
He was about to turn around and tell Remus to stop watching him like a pervert, when Remus apparently decided he was bored of creepily standing in the doorway, and he heard the other move. Janus let out a small sigh of relief, hoping he had left, but his relief and hope was short lived when he heard someone rummaging around. He spun around on his desk chair, staring at Remus, who had started messing around and digging through his things.  
  
“Remus! Get out of there!” He hissed, jumping up and going over to pull Remus away from his closet. Remus whined, “I’m _boooored_ ! Besides, i’m interested to know what you’ve got in here!” he said, easily pulling away from Janus and going back to digging through the closet.  
  
Janus huffed, “It’s none of your business! Get out of there!” Remus turned his head back to look at him with a smirk, “Am i gonna find something dirty is here _j-anus_ ? What is it, kinky shit? I knew you were a kinky bitch.” He cackled at the other’s now very red face.  
  
“ _NO_ ! Get the fuck out of my room you demon!” Remus hummed as if in thought, “Hm, no, i don’t think i will.” He went straight back to rummaging through Janus’ things, uncaring about the attempts at pulling him away. It was _cute_ how humans thought they had any sort of power over a demon.  
  
He skimmed through Janus’ clothes, mostly just hoodies, shirts and jeans, boring crap, although he did have a bowler hat for whatever reason. He pulled it out, “Is this somehow a kink thing?” He asked, holding out the bowler.  
  
“ _How_ ?” Janus asked, staring at him, Remus shrugged, “Everythings a kink is hell, boo.” He tossed the bowler back in the closet, scanning the rest of the clothes. “This is boring. I mean, you do have this.” He pulled out a black pleated skirt, “But this is pathetic, like, seriously. You don’t even own any slutty shirts, i mean, what are you even _doing_ ?”  
  
Janus rolled his eyes, “I don’t wear it very often, Patton begged both me and Virgil to try a skirt at least once a while back.” He took it from Remus’ hand and put it back in the closet. Remus stuck his tongue out at the other before seeing if he could find anything else in the closet. Was it _so_ hard for a person to be hiding some weird, dirty, possibly kinky or possibly psychopathic thing in their closet?  
  
But no such luck, he pouted, annoyed at not finding anything interesting in the closet. What kind of person didn’t hide their dirty secret shit in their closet? He turned back to Janus, “Come on, i know you have secrets, i’m going to find them out anyways.”  
  
“Jesus christ you have no fucking respect for anyone, do you?” Janus shot, glaring at him. Remus raised an eyebrow, “Uh, no? What the fuck is the point is respecting people?” Janus gave him an incredulous look.  
  
Remus just shrugged it off, “Is it in your nightstand drawers?” He walked over, pulling the top drawer open. He went through it, nothing out of the ordinary, or in his mind, nothing ordinary at all, “Seriously? You don’t even have lube, how little sex do you have?”  
  
“Excuse me, college is fucking difficult, i don’t have time to be having sex with every guy i meet, thank you very much!” He heard Janus from behind him, no doubt probably red all over again. Humans were incredibly easy to fluster. He flickered through the second out of three drawers with mild interest, “Really? How long it’s been since you’ve boned?”  
  
He turned around, before throwing himself down onto the bed and looking up at Janus. Janus shot him a look, “That’s not any of your business.” Remus snickered, “Got it, it’s been a while.” At that point, Janus looked about ready to murder him, making someone mad was less of an achievement, everyones always angry in hell, although it tended to result in a lot of hate sex and less much murder.  
  
“Just because you have one night stands every night doesn’t mean i do.” Janus mumbled as he walked over to the bed. Remus pushed himself up to a sitting position, “Does it count if it’s not really at night?”  
  
Janus shook his head and sighed, “I have to study, so either be quiet, or get out.” He said firmly. Remus gave an amused look, “How are you gonna make me?” he wiggled his eyebrows.  
  
Janus groaned, “Why are you so difficult?!”  
  
“It’s _funny._ Besides, people in the underworld don’t get wound up like you do. You make someone mad, although no demon gets offended over other people or shit like racism or sexism, after all we basically have no standards,” Janus shrugged to that, “Fair enough.” Remus continued, “Demons are only gonna get mad if you directly insult them since it’s a bunch of selfish narcissists. And it ends two ways, either you get into a bloody, probably gorey fight, or you fuck. Or both.”  
  
“Wow, hell really sounds hell-ish.”  
  
“That’s the point sweetheart.” Remus said, he then patted the spot on the bed next to him, “Your room is boring as shit, so let’s just talk instead.” Janus brows furrowed, “I have to study, remember?”  
  
“Pish posh! Nonsense, i tell you! Do you know how they educate in hell? Your parents teach you what they can be fucking bothered to teach you and if you want to learn more, you have to find it yourself by reading stupid human books.” Remus noticed Janus was looking at him in disbelief, “You…. wait, i-- there are _children in hell_ ?”  
  
“Uh, yeah?” Remus said, as if it were obvious, which to him, it was. How did Janus _think_ hell worked? Janus continued to look in disbelief, “From the way you’ve been describing it, it sounds like there’s just a bunch of fighting and banging all over the place!”  
  
“It’s _HELL_ ! Of course it’s like that! People keep their kids inside until they're old enough to handle that shit or whatever. Although i think our standards for that are lower than here, too.” Remus said, shrugging, “Lost my virginity when i was the demon age equivalent of like, thirteen.”  
  
Janus stared at him, “That’s-… with another thirteen year old…?”  
  
“I said barely any standards, not completely no standards, Janus!”  
  
“Alright alright, i’m just checking! I mean, pedos exist, so they have to go somewhere when they die.” Janus mumbled, “Although i was hoping it was somewhere worse than the hell you're describing.”  
  
“They split them up, the people who do really bad shit go to the worst parts of hell, it works out. Besides, even a demon child could beat the shit out of a dead soul. Not that the souls can get near any demons anyways, apart from the ones who work with them.” Remus said, laying back on the bed, “This shitty mattress feels like a rock. Ah, just like back home.”  
  
“Wait, souls?” Janus asked, head tilting to the side slightly. “Yeah, the souls of the dead? You know, dead people who go to hell?” Remus looked over at Janus, his vision was a little messed up due to the angle, but he could see confusion on the other’s face.  
  
“Demons aren’t dead people?” Janus asked, brows raising in surprise. “ _What_ ?” Remus cackled, “No way! Demons are a different species, you’re _born_ a demon. The souls are barely fucking solid, they just wander around whichever part of hell they’re sent too and be miserable forever.”  
  
Janus made a _huh_ sound, sitting down next to Remus on the bed. “Well, i can’t wait to wander around miserably forever when i die.” He said sarcastically.  
  
“You’ve barely done anything yet, from what i’ve seen anyway, you people are boring as heck. You haven’t gotten drunk, or beat up or killed anyone, there’s been no boning, no recklessness, absolutely nothing!” Remus huffed, “It’s _awful_ .”  
  
“Humans have these things called responsibilities, they _are_ awful.” Janus said, rolling his eyes. Remus sat himself up once more, “Sounds like a drag,” A smirk crawled onto his face, “You know, if you want, i have an idea on how to help you with that whole getting into hell thing.”  
  
Janus looked at him, eyebrow raised, “You what now? You know i don’t actually want to go to hell, right? Learning it’s real has been a fucked up hit to my brain, i mean, i really don’t think humans are supposed to know these things--”  
  
Remus cut him off by pressing a finger to his lips. “Sh, don’t think about it too much. It’ll help you relax too, have some fun for once.” Before Janus had the chance to speak again, Remus pushed him back on the bed. “Although i guess we’ll have to do without the lube.”  
  
He leaned over the other, hands supporting his weight as he leaned his head down closer to the Janus’, he could hear the humans heartbeat. Nothing about just the sound of a heartbeat in particular was that great to him, but it reminded him that he was on top of an actual human, and the one thing no demon had ever done was do it with a human.  
  
“I can give you the best time of your entire fucking life, baby boy.” Although he practically whispered it, they were so close that he could actually feel the other’s breath on his face, so he knew the words were definitely heard.  
  
Then all of a sudden he was interrupted, the apartment door was slamming open and there were voices, the others were back. That was enough to kick-start Janus’ shut down brain, he pushed Remus away and moved out from underneath him, although Remus did get the chance to see his beet red shocked looking face.  
  
Even if his overall plan has been ruined, that was at least a small win. He huffed out a breath, “Well, that’s shit. Guess you're not into exhibition?” Janus shot him a glare, although his face was still flushed, so it lost some of it’s effect. Remus sighed, “Fine! We can do this another time.”  
  
Janus’ glare hardened even further. Remus slid over to the edge of the bed, “What’s the matter, have i left you speechless? Awe, i didn’t even touch you.” That seemed to be enough for Janus, as he promptly stormed out the room.  
  
Remus stood up and called out to him, “Come on! I’m going for a record of sleeping with as many people in this apartment as i can! I only have one out of four so far, why not be the second?” Shockingly, that didn’t work. 

**Author's Note:**

> Well.... that happened.
> 
> Janus maybe you should invest in a door lock-
> 
> This whole chapter and yet you still didn't get a kiss or any shit because no, i'm not going to just hand you the ships, and fr Janus actually does have fucking standards and he wants some FucKIng EffORT ActUALLY-


End file.
